Tweet Roundup | This Week's Funniest Parenting Tweets From @XplodingUnicorn
Me: Do you have any homework?
5-year-old: Our teacher told us to be nice.
Me: That's good.
5: I'm not gonna do it.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) August 18, 2017
My 1-year-old forgot to throw a temper tantrum before we left home and now she's looking around confused like her whole day is thrown off.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) August 18, 2017
Me: How was your day?
5-year-old: I didn't cry.
More than I accomplished.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) August 17, 2017
Wife: We need to spend more time with the kids.
Me: Why?
Wife: Keep your enemies close.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) August 16, 2017
5-year-old: How many days of school do I have left?
Me: Two.
5: Ever?
Me: This week.
5: *flops on the floor*— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) August 16, 2017
5-year-old: I'm pretending I'm outside.
Me: Why don't you actually go outside?
5: There's no air conditioning.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) August 15, 2017
5-year-old: I'm supposed to take something green for show-and-tell.
Me: What do you want?
5: Money.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) August 15, 2017
5-year-old: No one else in the whole kingdom could fit in Cinderella's shoes.
Me: I guess not.
5: What was wrong with her feet?— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) August 14, 2017
Instead of getting dressed, my 3-year-old yelled at her pants.
I’ve never related to anything more strongly in my life.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) August 14, 2017
7-year-old: What's for lunch?
Me: If I tell you, you'll just say you don't like it.
7: I don't like surprises, either.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) August 12, 2017
Me: Time for a bath.
5-year-old: Not now. I need more time.
Me: For what?
5: To get dirty.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) August 12, 2017
3-year-old: *walks out of the kitchen with a bag of chips*
Me: Who said you could have those?
3: Me.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) August 11, 2017
3-year-old: *walks in with a Barbie missing her head*
Me: What happened?
3: She had a bad day.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) August 11, 2017
5-year-old: *puts a lightsaber in her backpack*
Me: You don't need to take that to school.
5: Will they give me one there?— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) August 10, 2017
5-year-old: What will you do while I'm at school?
Me: I'll be sad.
5: I could stay home with you.
Me: Not that sad.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) August 8, 2017