6 Best Pieces of Advice to Start Feeling Better
Trauma and grief recovery work is like training for an event. Maybe that event is a half- or whole marathon, a wedding, or a hot dog eating contest. Regardless, you’ve got to be in good shape to do what’s required for that event. Consistent training is essential to being present for the life-altering event. Trauma and grief recovery work isn’t as exciting as a marathon or wedding (or hot dog eating contest), but it is important, foundational work. And as a trauma and grief recovery coach, the safety and well-being of my fellow humans is a top priority. These are the top six things that I tell my clients to do, usually during our first or second appointments. Why? Because they help us feel better. These actions help us stay in good shape for the challenges, obstacles, and successes in the future. I’m not saying that you’ll feel better magically or instantly. But practicing these six skills can help you feel better when doing the work, no matter what the work may be.
Go to the Doctor
First, go to the doctor for a full physical. Get all of your parts checked out and make sure you’re at your healthy baseline. Request a blood work panel that includes hormone levels, thyroid function, vitamin D,cholesterol, and blood sugar and insulin. If you don’t have a primary care doctor, consider this an excellent opportunity to seek one out. The easiest way? Ask friends in your area for referrals. The Reason: Several years ago, one of my children began having neurological problems that mimicked mental health issues. We took him to the doctor first and requested a blood panel, along with a full physical. The result was that he had extremely high metabolism that was causing problems, and the treatment was simple.Physical health and mental health intertwine. We cannot discount how deeply our physical health affects our mental health.
Schedule Bodywork
Next, schedule bodywork for at least once a month. What is bodywork? Well, trauma and grief are energy. This energy needs to move. Bodywork helps move that energy. There are many different kinds of bodywork: Massage, Reiki, yoga, acupuncture, acupressure, breathwork, and meditation, to start with. I advise clients to choose what resonates most, and sometimes I straight up recommend massage, especially for clients with PTSD. Massage specifically helps the nervous system get used to feeling safe with another person over time. A related piece of advice: seek out practitioners who are trauma-informed. Ask them if necessary. The Reason: We are largely encouraged in our culture to ignore our body’s signals, to disconnect from what our bodies are telling us that they need. One of the primary ways to work through and heal trauma and grief symptoms is to begin reconnecting our bodies, brains, and souls. Another very good reason is that our bodies store trauma. Our bodies remember our trauma and grief experiences, which affects our nervous systems. One way to release these experiences is through bodywork.
Eat Regularly
This is a really important one. I’m not telling you when or what to eat, just to eat. Try to eat when you’re hungry, and on a regular basis throughout the day. Find what foods work best. The better the nutrition, the faster you will begin to feel better.Also? This includes drinking water. Hydrate!The Reason: When you already feel crappy, it is super easy to stop eating. This reinforces the cycle of feeling crappy. Go without food long enough, and the body can begin displaying symptoms of neurological problems, which can mimic mental health issues.
Go Outside
When we don’t feel well, going outside can feel nearly impossible. I get it. When the pandemic started, I knew I needed to go outside but had a hard time doing anything. So I sat in my back yard for hours at a time. I watched the birds and the squirrels and my dogs and the grass grow. A related piece of advice: incorporate movement if possible, but no shame if you don’t. The Reason: I recently read a meme that said, “If a person goes into the woods and doesn’t call it forest bathing, did it even benefit them?” I laughed really hard. Yes, forest bathing is trending, but there's a good reason for it. Being outside and getting new oxygen pumping into our bloodstream is wildly beneficial. Moving our bodies helps move trauma and grief energy in safe and controllable ways.
Rest
Sleep can be hard. Trying to sleep can make it even harder (that’s what she said). Ease the pressure of trying to sleep and instead focus on rest. Restful activities give instead of take. Thought of as “restorative,” the idea of what’s restful can be based on our own personal needs, not on what someone else thinks. What kind of movement does the current energy need to bring a restful state? Does it need stillness, or does it need to move in some way? Is the movement emotional or physical? Do we need physiological healing, and what kind? Do we need to focus inward or outward? Do we need people or solitude?The Reason: Sleep and restful activities help restore our brains and bodies. Full stop. And when we are using so much energy processing grief and trauma, we need all the rest we can get.
Seek Out Mental Health Professionals
This is not groundbreaking, sure, but important regardless. There are different kinds of mental health professionals out there, and our culture heaps shame on us when we seek them out. To short circuit the shame, approach finding a mental health professional because you want to find out how your brain works. This is a great place to start. The rest will unfold as it is meant to.The Reason: Like I stated earlier, our physical and mental health intertwine. Our mental health affects *everything*, from how we function day to day to the health of our relationships. Seeking out a mental health professional to check in with or work through trauma or grief (or both) can save a lot of additional trauma and grief.While it can be difficult finding a mental health professional, I recommend focusing on something specific. For example, if it applies to you, seek out an LGBTQ therapist. Also, like finding a primary care doctor, get referrals from friends in your area.These six things are some of the toughest things to do when we are not feeling well mentally or physically, and they are the first to go by the wayside. But these actions can help stop the cycle of misery and help you invest in yourself and your path to feeling better.