Tweet Roundup | This Week's Funniest Tweets About What You Should Be Doing By Age 35
By age 35 you should have at least one fork in your cutlery drawer that you just don’t like, and actively frown at if you accidentally grab it.
— Nutella Enchanted (@chrisopotamia) May 20, 2018
By age 35 you should run into friends and say "WE SHOULD HANG OUT SOON!" twice a week. You will never hang out. You'll just scream this at each other until one of you dies.
— Luke Trayser (@trukelayser) May 20, 2018
By age 35 you should have a huge box of cables but you can't throw them out because you're pretty sure you still need a couple of them but you're not sure which ones
— Lori G 🌸 (@LoriG) May 19, 2018
By age 35 you should have at least two thirds of your hard drive space taken up by recursively nested copies of the hard drives from all your previous computers
— Alex Kerfoot (@akerfoot) May 20, 2018
by age 35 you should have a kitchen cabinet dedicated entirely to plastic bags that contain other, smaller plastic bags
— vytas (@peakysblinder) May 20, 2018
By age 35, you should have hoarded more books than any human could possibly read in three lifetimes, retirement experts say.
— Thomas Pluck (@thomaspluck) May 18, 2018
By age 35, you should have a big bag of socks that have no matches that you are afraid to throw even one of them away because as soon as you do, you'll run into its match.
— AGirlHasNoPresident except T'ChObama (@kamtheleo) May 19, 2018
By age 35, you should have a cabinet full of cups and glasses that, in your mind, each have their own specific use, and should make you quietly appalled when a guest uses them for the wrong beverage
— Schwanzgesicht (@chaensaw) May 20, 2018
By age 35 you should have a chair in your bedroom used only for holding clothes that aren’t dirty enough for the laundry but that you’re too lazy to put away
— Shenanigans (@moron_online) May 21, 2018
By age 35 you should have a list of 5 antidepressants that don't work for you and 3 boxes of clothes that you'll definitely fit in again once you start that diet, tomorrow, for real this time.
— damnit, Joey (@namelesslyJo) May 21, 2018
By age 35 you should have a list of documentaries you tell people you want to watch but you don’t watch them because you just never feel like you’re in the right mood.
— MehGyver (@AndrewNadeau0) May 21, 2018
by age 35 you should have 5 plants in dire need of re-potting, 124 notes in your iPhone titled “this is maybe something????” or “write abt this l8r???” at LEAST 26 regularly scheduled intrusive memories, 5 polaroids of yourself in a field (where the fuck was it?), um,,,
— mise “em” abîme (@zuzuzuspetals) May 21, 2018
By age 35 you should have both fat clothes and skinny clothes and have neither of them fit properly.
— Brad Robinson (@bradrobinson8) May 21, 2018
By age 35 you should be talking almost exclusively about back pain at parties
— Dave Horwitz (@Dave_Horwitz) May 21, 2018
By age 35 you should realize that life is fleeting and stop giving a shit about what everyone else thinks you should be doing with your life.
— Lee Skallerup Bessette makes zero magic (@readywriting) May 20, 2018