Sweatpants & Humor | Winter Is Going

Fun

Mar 20

Written By

Everything in the universe tends toward equilibrium. Notwithstanding the fact that true equilibrium is effectively the heat death of the universe, there’s something soothing about balance.Yeah! Take that, winter! …though, I suppose that’s kinda throwing out the baby with the bathwater, huh?Today, at 21:24 UTC (5:24pm EDT/2:24pm PDT), we’ll enjoy that one moment of sweet, sweet balance; day and night will share the sky for equal amounts of time and spring will officially begin. Except for y’all in the southern hemisphere; enjoy the upcoming colder weather, buckos! Over here in the northern hemisphere, it’s time to start wiggling our toes as they begin to thaw out and double check our severe (warmer) weather emergency preparedness kits that have been buried under piles of winter coats.Ah, spring! The birds are out; the trees are budding; the flowers are blooming; and it’s nearly time (or, in my case, it’s definitely time) for the first mow of the season. And you know what those things mean: the birds are very excited to be birds, way too loudly and way too early; the trees and the flowers and the grass are teaming up to make your sinuses feel like they’re on the verge of exploding, make your eyes itch, and your nose run. And sneeze. And drip. And, then, get real stuffy.Oh, we do have fun.And that’s only if you’re actually starting to see some warmer temps. A lot of folks will probably have to shuffle through some snow to put out their little spring- and Easter-themed garden flags and I know y’all are looking around and just really enjoying “spring” right now. I am still technically correct, though, in wishing you a happy first day of spring. Just try gently shooing it away with a broom.To be entirely pedantic: considering Pepperidge Farm was originally established in and has been (and will be until sometime next year) headquartered in Connecticut, I’m not sure that Pepperidge Farm does remember that, actually.Still, regardless of the temperatures outside, the return of spring means that winter sports seasons, like hockey, curling, and outhouse racing, have wrapped up and spring tournaments and season openers are here! We are actively in the middle of March Madness, y’all! How’s your bracket looking?Collegiate softball and baseball seasons started last month and the MLB season will kick off in ten days!via GIPHYHook ’em Horns!When not constantly checking on how our favorite sportsball teams are faring, it’s time for those of us who hear the call to arm ourselves with hoes, rakes, augers, and spades. It is time to once again do battle in our annual attempt to wrest control of flowerbeds everywhere from garden gnomes and their legions of vicious lawn flamingos. After the annual battle come our annual armistices, allowing us to move forward with planting our gardens and flowerbeds in peace, however tenuous.Those flamingos do not come to play.Finally, the ever-warmer temperatures mean it’s just about time to light the grill. After the debates about gas or charcoal, mesquite- or hickory-smoked, Kansas City or Carolina or Memphis or Texas barbecue, iced tea or lemonade are settled, it’s time to fire up the grill. Who doesn’t like a good controlled burn?Ah, spring! The vernal equinox. Equilibrium. So, yes, we may have horrendous seasonal allergies, some tornadoes, and the horror of facing those battle-hardened flamingos… but! we also get even more sportsball, flowers, and time hanging out next to the open flame cooking our food—just like Pepperidge Farm remembers.