Five Things You Need to Know About Suicide Prevention
Bring up the word suicide in a public place, and most people are going to freak out. At best, they will look like a deer in the headlights. The majority of us feel wildly uncomfortable talking about suicide. However, the reality is that suicidal thoughts are common and many of us have personal experience with someone who died by suicide.My work as a trauma and grief recovery coach brings me face to face with suicidal thoughts, feelings, and shame almost every single day. I feel relieved when it comes up when I work with individuals, groups, and classes.Why? Because for many of us, talking about suicide is the Final Taboo. The last thing on a list of stigmatized thoughts and ideas that we are NOT “supposed” to talk about, much less think about. We’re not taught HOW to process our trauma and grief experiences, including suicidal ideation. When trauma and grief experiences are not processed, they build on one another, and when a new experience happens, the old feelings are triggered. Compounded grief. Compounded trauma.Let’s choose another way. Talking about suicide has long been shameful. And shame grows in the dark. We’re going to bring it into the light, as September is Suicide Prevention Month. Here are five important things that you need to know about suicide prevention.
1. The Language Has Changed
I learned a few years ago in a class about suicide prevention that some of the language has changed. One of the most important phrase to make its exit is the term, “committed suicide.” The term “committed suicide” strips away layers of compassion, curiosity, and understanding that we might otherwise practice. This type of language also keeps people from seeking help. Instead, change the phrase to “died by suicide.” One easy way to remember the change in language is to compare this to another cause of death, such as a heart attack. We don’t say that a person “committed a heart attack;” we say that a person died from a heart attack. There are many variables to consider when it comes to how someone dies by suicide, and suicidal thoughts and feelings are more common than you might think.
2. Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings are Common
I have been through enough trauma and grief recovery experiences to know that life can feel really, really bad.Here are examples of what people say to me and thoughts I have had throughout my trauma and grief recovery journey:
“If I were to go to sleep and not wake up, I would be fine with that.”“I am looking forward to the end of the world.”“I believe Jesus is coming soon and we will all go to a better place.”“Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to ‘X’.” – X meaning drive into a tree, jump out of a window, stuff like this.
Alarming? It depends. I have many friends with mental health challenges in which suicidal thoughts run in the background every single day. They have had to learn the difference between these baseline thoughts and the more insistent, crisis-level thoughts where help is needed.For myself and many people that I work with, suicidal thoughts do *not* run in the background, so they are cause for concern. These thoughts are a signal in an overall mental health wellness plan that there are things that need to be addressed.
3. Be Curious About These Thoughts
If being judgmental and hard on ourselves and others was effective, it would have worked by now. When we are in pain, we need compassion and curiosity. What is the value of curiosity? Trauma and grief need a witness. Curiosity opens the door for someone else (or ourselves) to be witnessed without judgment, advice, or condemnation. A safe place to be ourselves and share our stories, feelings, and thoughts. A community that we so badly need. Basically, curiosity is an act of love.Many times, people don’t know what to say when confronted with suicidal ideation. One of my favorite questions is, “What is that like for you?” I know how I feel when the term “suicide” comes up, but I don’t know how another person feels. This question gives space for processing through thoughts and feelings, which usually brings down the intensity of distress.
4. There is a New Three-Digit Crisis Line
There are other questions for follow up, like, “Do you have a plan?” or “What kind of help do you need?” These questions can feel very uncomfortableOne of the places we can turn to is the Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Now there is a three-digit number - 988 - available 24/7 in the United States. Calling or text 988 connects callers to trained counselors who work with the existing National Suicide Prevention Lifeline network. This network consists of around 200 local crisis centers. Callers are generally connected to one that is closest to where they are located.Counselors are trained to listen, ask questions, provide support, and assist in connecting users to additional mental health resources when necessary.
5. You are Not Responsible for Someone Else’s Actions
I work with people whose loved ones have died by suicide. The month of September - Suicide Prevention Month - can be a triggering one. A lot of pressure gets put on family members and friends to "prevent" someone else from their suicidal thoughts or actions. There are two sides to this coin - yes, it is important to be present and curious and reach out. The other side of that coin is that you are absolutely not responsible for someone else’s actions or thoughts or feelings. Suicide is a tough subject. We can experience a flood of feelings about the word itself, which keeps us from digging deeper and receiving a safe witness to our confusion and pain.Shame grows in the dark. Let’s bring the shame into the light.