Feel Like a Fraud? How to Deal with Imposter Syndrome
Imposter syndrome is the worst.I have been a mental health advocate for several years, speaking and doing stand up comedy on stages all over the country. So it was no surprise that I applied and was accepted to speak at a health advocacy conference as the world opened up after the pandemic. Once my application was accepted and my presentation materials were turned in, all I had to do was coast, right? Put some time in and practice the presentation, right?Wrong. I was hit with the hardest and worst case of Imposter Syndrome I could have imagined. As the date of the conference loomed, I became sick with an infection that lasted three weeks, leaving me tired and reeling from painful symptoms. I had terribly painful fever blisters that would not go away. A few days before I left for the conference, I tripped over the only rock in a four-mile radius and rolled my ankle. Trying to practice what I preach and be curious instead of judgemental, I brought all of this to therapy and named the problem: Imposter Syndrome.
What is Imposter Syndrome?
The short and sweet definition is that I felt like a fraud. In fact, I was convinced that during my presentation, someone in the audience would stand up and yell, “You don’t know what you’re talking about! You are a fraud!” The other audience members would realize that what this person said was true, and join them. Then the torches and pitchforks would come out, and I would be chased from the hotel and out into the street. Yes, I have been accused of being dramatic. And yes, this felt real, like it was a real possibility. A longer definition (thanks to Psychology Today) of Imposter Syndrome is when high-performing, accomplished people feel undeserving of their achievements and any attention that they may receive. In addition, there is the fear that people will find out that they are frauds.The overall Imposter Syndrome message for me is that if I am perfect and do everything perfectly, maybe then I will be “good enough” and “worthy of love.”
Imposter Syndrome Shows Up in the Body
Once I got curious, I saw the different ways that Imposter Syndrome can show up in the body, which is important as trauma is stored in the body.Physical Illness - Trauma and grief often show themselves through physical illness, especially in early stages of recovery. During every Christmas in my 20’s and well into my 30’s, I got physically sick every Christmas because my body and brain linked that holiday with the sexual abuse I had endured as a child. My body and brain made a similar connection with this conference, in that it provided a physical illness during the three weeks before my presentation. My nervous system was convinced that I was under threat.Procrastination - Now in my second year as a trauma and grief recovery coach, I have noticed a big tendency toward procrastination. For example, I meet with people who are looking for trauma and grief recovery, we decide to work together, we set up a plan, and I agree to email them important information. And every time - bam - I want to put it off. I feel this urge to just…not email them “until tomorrow.” There’s no “logical” reason for this impulse.Avoidance - This is a well-used trauma response in my life, like putting on a comfortable shoe. I have gotten curious about my tendency to avoid people, places, situations, conversations, all of it. Here’s the message I got from practicing curiosity about speaking at the conference:“If I do this, and I’m successful, I will have proven that I can do this and will have no excuse but to step into my power and success. Part of my story up until now has been self-deprecation and being an underdog and if I experience success, what will my story be then? And will people still like me?”Misplaced Awe - At this stage of working through Imposter Syndrome, I am consistently surprised when people want to work with me. Logically, I know that I am very, very good at what I do. One of my clients would like me to work with their entire family. Still…surprise.Fear - Plain ol’ fear. Fear of the unknown, of rejection, of not meeting the expectations of others (real or imagined). The thing about fear is that it has one flavor. Fear is not nuanced. It is evolutionary, meaning that fear’s purpose is survival and sometimes the level of fear we have feels like we might die.
What You Need to Know About Imposter Syndrome
Our trauma responses - and Imposter Syndrome is a trauma response - are meant to protect us. Our brains are all about keeping us alive. That’s why trauma responses exist, to divert energy into survival during threatening situations. So although irritating and painful, Imposter Syndrome has good intentionsWhen something like Imposter Syndrome rears up, it can be scary. I was shocked, actually. Like I said earlier, I have been speaking on stage for at least a decade, and I’ve been performing stand up comedy for longer than that. Surprised or not, Imposter Syndrome was here. Instead of judging it and trying to shame or avoid it, I decided to be curious. Obviously, something was going on that needed attention. Fortunately, I work with a few mental health professionals and could talk about this openly and begin healing what needs to be healed.In the course of this work, it was also obvious that the Imposter Syndrome strategies that I have used for years were no longer needed. I need to update my nervous system and my brain for safety. I can feel safe as a mental health professional. I do know what I’m talking about. No amount of education or achievement could bring that level of safety to my nervous system. This was an inside job.
How to Deal with Imposter Syndrome (and Other Things)
When it comes to reprogramming my brain and body, I like to use the acronym ACES.A - AwarenessC - CuriosityE - ExplorationS - Step ForwardA lot of people I work with don’t realize this, but awareness is a BIG win. You can’t process through something until there’s awareness, which is a series of observations about how a trauma response or pattern is harming instead of helping. And once you see something that needs to be processed, it is super hard to unsee it. That’s where curiosity comes in. With awareness comes a strong temptation to judge and shame ourselves. Curiosity overrides all of that, giving us space and time to ask questions and wonder about ourselves and share what we’re learning. Exploration is a deeper practice of curiosity. Like earlier when I wrote, “The overall Imposter Syndrome message for me is that if I am perfect and do everything perfectly, maybe then I will be “good enough” and “worthy of love.”” I had not been aware of that messaging until I wrote it out. Writing through something helps me explore. How does Imposter Syndrome manifest in my life? How is this trying to protect me? How does it show up in relationships? How can I step forward with a different response? One that is not tied to trauma? Because that’s the ultimate goal, right? To live as our authentic selves, rooted in who we are and not the trauma and grief that we’ve experienced.Dealing with Imposter Syndrome is another step in my journey of overcoming the effects of trauma and grief. Another step in my journey of being who I was always meant to be and sharing that with the world.