Embracing 50 – Part 2

I swear. I hadn’t meant to write a second article about my 50th birthday. Nevertheless, I found I had more to say after crossing the 50 threshold.

I’m sharing the thoughts below because milestone birthdays are often times of transition. We rarely publicly discuss our confusion, relief, or even grief about aging. Below are some of my additional thoughts.

50 Means Different Things to Different People 

Apparently, the characters during the first season of The Golden Girls were younger than the women in And Just Like That, the Sex and the City sequel.

The “transgression” of The Golden Girls at the time was that women in their 50s and beyond still wanted sex and searched for love. And Just Like That, we’re shocked that “Big” died, Aidan’s back, and the cast has non-white, recurring characters.

Some critics say there’s too much pressure for women to conform to beauty standards that emphasize youth. They now feel “liberated” to stop wearing clothes, accessories, and other enhancements. They care less about how people perceive them and more about their personal growth and development.

Others say potential romantic partners, employers, and even family members ignored them after they turned 50.

Be however old you are in the way that feels most aligned to you. You are grown enough not to care what others think.

I Do What I Want

I planned my birthday for months.

My then-lover and I considered a long weekend at one of my favorite resorts until we broke up the month before. Wonderful friends invited me to bunk at their place.

Another friend suggested renting a catamaran and sailing with friends inviting for the afternoon. I imagined voyaging on a luxurious train or exploring the Argentinian wine country. Yet, none of those ideas resonated with my soul, as fabulous as they were. 

Finally, I decided to treat myself to lunch, go to therapy, luxuriate in delicious spa treatments, and have a champagne toast with friends after. We had a lovely time. My birthday was exactly what I needed after nearly three years of personal and professional turmoil. 

Be You

One of my post-collegiate jobs was as an office assistant in the Photography Department at National Geographic magazine.

Since then, I yearned to tell stories visually, as well as through words. Recently, I began with baby steps by taking photos during my daily beach walks and selfies.

Truthfully, I use photo apps to fill some of the technical gaps in the photos. For example, I might be squinting, or my skin color isn’t accurate. 

In addition, I live in a tropical environment, and wearing makeup, especially during the summer, slides off. Therefore, I use photo apps to help adjust the lighting. When taking selfies, I sometimes add makeup I would have worn in much cooler climes. 

I feel freer to be more myself because I have spent decades working on myself. Fully embracing and loving myself has expressed itself in me not being afraid to post what some would call “sexy” photos and videos of myself on social media.

However, I faced backlash from some women and increased attention from some men.

For example, some people accused me of suffering from “body dysmorphia,” “lacking self-love,” or trying to attract male attention. Seriously? Aren’t I supposed to be the age where I’m ignored in favor of “younger,” “hotter” women? In addition, I love my body. I earned every wrinkle, sag, and lump.

The various reactions surprised me because I am out here, living five minutes at a time. Practicing my photography and editing skills were my only objectives. “Gee, I wonder how the dude I crushed on as a teenager every summer is doing” was not on my mind. 

“Over the years, this is the most you’ve ever shown of yourself,” Gil, one of my besties since the seventh grade explained when I vented frustration. “And people like what they see.”

Nevertheless, Gil reminded me of two important life lessons: 1) Haters will hate, and 2) Be you. 

So now, I’m devoting the rest of my life to being a happy, Black woman. Welcome to my 50’s.